OF MY LOVER………SIIIIIIIGH!!!!!

So I have been missing in action…..been having exams, the stress, the adrenaline, the tension and worst of all the feeling that what I had read was not enough. Well, exams came and went and it went well. My name is now written in ink, and I can now walk with a little more pride in the corridors of our great institution.

So last week when I was busy trying to calm my queasy stomach and nerves for the impending exams, I watched an ARSENAL match. Well I thought the team was insignificant and nondescript and I knew that this was the game to watch in preparation for my exams….well…until I saw my ARSENALget whooped so badly, by the nondescript team….sorry, Liverpool.

Today, ARSENALplayed ManU. Today ARSENAL lost miserably. How in or under this earth does Van Persie miss a penalty like that one? (Am a chic, I could have done better) How do you ARSENAL get beaten 8(EIGHT) goals??? Is this you or QPR? (Or whatever that team is called). I remember when our affair started; my blood was always at boiling point when we engaged in games… I miss Henry, I relish the days of one Vierra… I fondly remember the days when Walcott ran like a bullet across the field. Cesc, my love, the most handsomest Spanish man walking, Gregarious Gallas, the Persie of hat tricks, Smooth and innocent Nasri, my white haired allure that was Almunia…(well, until he became a kin-chu-ngi!), the Bartender who would sometimes make us scream in delight and other times wail in grief!I I could go on, with this list……Those were great days, great moments, and orgasmic meets!

Today, ARSENAL, you are full of all these young players…with all the letters of the alphabet! (ARSENE,what’s that about? Can’t even recognize you anymore! ARSENAL!) Six years, I have cried and I have laughed with you. I have borne ridicule from all quarters. I have put up with your disappointing rendezvous under the covers…each and every week. And what have I to show for this, nothing….am as barren as I was six years before I met you! The only thing I have to show for this union is a lot of dust and cobwebs.

So today, my LOVE, my ARSENAL, I move out of our bedroom. I will no longer be your bed fellow! Am tired, am disappointed, am heartbroken…but I have to do this. Enough is enough. Put your act together and maybe just maybe my eye will rove around for a more experienced, more gregarious, more alluring, a smoothie handsome, a lover with speed and hat tricks with an orgasmic finish.

I love you; I always have….will probably love you forever too.

of contraception......HORMONAL!

So I have sat in The Family Planning Clinic and I must admit that was a very exciting one.Women have tales to tell!!! One, almost 45year old stuck in my thoughts. She had come for insertion of a coil (IUCD)...OK before you start wondering why this is a big deal, let me explain...sit back and  take a chill pill. The said woman had been widowed for over ten years and she swore she had had not other relations and thus I gave her a look of so why bother now and you're almost hitting menopause.....??She went on to tell me a tall tale about how a certain young man (young enough to be her son), who was a husband to another woman in her women's group had been throwing darts her way.....she told me she just wanted to be on the safe side in the "unlikely" event that this "young" man would get his way with her...(I doubt that she hadn't already tried him out! WINK)But I didn't judge...I happily gave her what she wanted but I thought of something....here is a woman, in the prime of her life, going after her own "happiness" and taking control of it......mmmmmmh!

The commonest complaint in that one week I spent there was "lack of" or reduced libido.....commonest culprit....hormonal contraceptives! God in his infinite wisdom as he created the menstrual cycle in woman, planned it to the last detail...!! Around the time when ovulation is about to occur, estrogen is produced in copious amounts, this estrogen causes the vaginal secretions to be clear, and it is alot...overall effect..increased wetness. Just when the egg has been released, there's also some testosterone that is released and in women this  is the hormone that increases libido....even the temperature rises!!! So the woman is so to speak...at her peak....(this may sound bad but it can be equated to being "on heat") and if coitus takes place, a baby is very likely to be conceived at this point, but in the event that this is not desired other methods are used like condoms etc to prevent it!

Now the sad part of all this is that hormonal contraceptives(The Pill, Patch, Implants etc)...well....blunt this very exciting phase in the woman and many a men are left wondering what happened to their once hot blooded, ready to have sex chic they had dated initially....you know, the one who used to call and ask for it with the urgency of a firefighter on a mission...the one who'd get so turned on from a single kiss....and for fear of sounding like am on a Mills and Boon series, I will end it there, but you do get the drift (are those books sold anymore???)

So guys, sometimes the answer is right in front of you, ladies, if you want to get that control back....look for better options and yeah, enjoy that part of life...before physiology fails you in the later years!